The third, and final agreement is that you will create and complete actions in your real life as a result of reading this book.

Simple, right? You read a book, then you think of what actions to take, you write them down, then you take the actions - your life is never the same. Whoalla. Life changed. Book done. Everyone is a happy, blissed out, enlightened, joyful, spiritually guided, financially successful, fully expressive millionaire-guru-artists.

It is both that simple and much more complicated at the same time. We all have the capacity to change our lives this very moment, but as inspirational as that may sound, most of us need much more than some random author telling us to do something in order to actually do something. The only authority you will actually listen to is yourself.

Which is totally okay. There is no judgment if you don’t do anything. There is absolutely nothing I can do to make you do anything, and I have no real desire to make you do anything - if anything, I am trying to show you an example of how I am forcing my own self to take action by writing this book. The battle to be here, in the woods, to write the book was a form of war.

There were spiritual retreats, vipassana courses, zen monasteries, martial art teachers, tea masters, self-development courses, hundreds of books, dialogues with friends, dialogues in circles, mantras, sutras, kamasutras (that came out on its own, I apologize), fights with close ones, written agreements with myself (most of them were broken), thousands of hours of procrastination, bankrupted businesses, therapy, plant medicine, crying, laughter, doubts, fears of failure, fears of success. You name it. The first time I knew that there was a book in me was probably 2007, which is 17 years ago. The first time I started writing this book was on the 13th of August 2023, which is 433 days ago. That is 433 days with zero words written.

None of which matters one bit, right now I am here, and I am writing, and I am laughing, smiling, crying from joy - because I am taking action that is in line with my path, my heart, my soul, my talent, my inner desire (whatever you want to call it). This is something I wish everyone could experience, and all you have to do is take one small, tiny step towards that which you know is yours for the taking. Even if this small step takes you on a path of an inner war that will last 17 years, but $^@#% #!$%%!#% it is ^%!#$^ worth it! TAKE A SMALL FUCKING STEP ALREADY! WAKE THE FUCK UP! YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING, AND YOU DESERVE TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT YOUR HEART DESIRES! GET UP FROM THIS BOOK, THROW THIS BOOK AGAINST THE WALL, OR BURN IT IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT START TAKING SOME ACTION!

Alright, not sure if you can tell, but that was a bit intense, and perhaps I got carried away. Let’s refrain from swearing for a little while. Taking a deep breath here.

The point is, we have all watched an amazing YouTube keynote, and did absolutely nothing about it. With doom-scrolling on the rise, we probably see a dozen or a hundred motivational videos per day, and as a result, do absolutely nothing that would meaningfully affect our lives. Instead, we give a virtual ‘checkmark’ and a ‘pass’ grade to our inner selves for having done something ‘good’, and that leaves it at that. Change happens only when your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions are aligned.

Action Is Responsibility

If we do not take appropriate action, it means we are escaping our responsibility for our own lives. Many of us are familiar with the word ‘Karma’, but unfortunately, we have misunderstood its meaning. The word ‘karma’ simply means - ‘action’.

The word is telling us that the world is our oyster, and that every action has a cause and effect. It is simply telling us that if we take responsibility for our lives fully, then we will act in a way that will cause us to move in the right direction. There is no reason to take any other kind of action. Moreover, it is tightly linked to responsibility, or your ability to respond to situations that arise in your life with action.

Most people complain, and very few act. Is the government doing something wrong? Move to another country or become a politician. Not happy with your boss? Talk to them, find a different job, start your own company. Having issues with your relationship? Go to therapy, read books, go to retreats, figure out your own inner demons, and take them on. You have the ability to respond. This is a gift. This is what takes you on a path of lightness.

The Agreement Of Action

You have everything figured out, and you actually have an inner wisdom that tells you exactly what you must do to get from A to B. All that remains is to act.

Once, I had a dream where I was talking to a man who was a teacher and a former monk. He tried to mentor me, and I was not sure if I should listen. He was unconvincing at best. Our dialogue was about the power of guidance and mentoring, and he said that it’s the mentor’s job to guide, but it’s the mentee’s job to take action.

This is not to break the first agreement that we have already gone over, but to show you that the mentor and the mentee are two inner personalities within you. Their inner mentor keeps guiding you, but it is your job to take action.

Therefore, if you are to continue reading this book, I only ask one favor of you - please do at least one permanent change to your life routine as a result. However small, however useless, however meaningless - but please, for your own sake - make a tiny transformation, and keep at it.

Once, my wife and I were having a dialogue on the topic of change, and we tried to figure out where one should start. The possibilities are endless. You can start a new diet, go to the gym, work on your relationships, start a business, quit your job - literally - anywhere. Then one of us said: “How about we clean our kitchen?”

We spent the next ten hours cleaning and reorganizing every tiny bit of our kitchen. We threw away a lot of unused spices, created a much more efficient kitchen, but most interestingly, it led to unforeseen consequences. For one, I found old unpaid bills, and it took me on a spiral of re-organizing my finances, starting to have a budget, and promising myself not to be late on payments again. This led to practical changes in how I was leading finances in my business (which did not help much at the time, but it is definitely helping now). To this day, I feel that the spiral of change that I have been on for the past seven years has a lot to do with that one day and that one decision to clean our kitchen. What is true is that all change starts with real action.

Therefore, I am proposing that we make a pact. After reading each chapter, while staying in “presence”, and focusing your attention on finding insights/wisdom/action, you will write down at least one action that you can practically do. Let’s give it a go right now.

Take one action before you read the next chapter. Go on, do it. It can be something very simple. If you need some help and want to get back to reading as soon as humanly possible, here are some suggestions:

• Call someone you care about and tell them why you care about them, and why you find it hard to express it.

• Do fifteen pushups/pull-ups or another form of physical activity.

• Meditate for 10 minutes. (Although I am not sure I can call 10 minutes - ‘meditation’, at least I am not at such a level where I can do it so quickly)

• Write down five new actions you will do tomorrow that you have never done before.

Of course, the best action is the one that came to your mind immediately upon my suggestion to do it. Okay, now, enough theory - go do it already, I will wait. Literally, I will sit here and wait.

Right now, the past me, on the 20th of October 2024, 13:13 Estonian Time, will spend five minutes in complete silence - waiting for your future self to go and complete an action.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Yes, I literally sat there, in our shared past, waiting for our future selves to take some sort of action. Then I manually typed 165 dots. All of this, so you would stop throwing your life away, reading books, and not doing a thing about your life. All of this, so you would take some tiny action. So, if you still have not done it - stop reading [very useful technique if you want people to read your book, I know], put the book away, and go do something with your life. If you never come back to finish the book, but your life improves, I will be the happiest person on the planet. Not only because it would have worked, but also because it is damn fun to communicate with both you, the reader, and my future self through text this way. Working should bring one joy, right?

We have finally made it through the agreements, and we are ready to begin the actual book.

Not So Fast: Signing The Agreement

Not so fast. Although I can’t wait to get to the core essence of the book, any agreements must be signed in blood. Wait, wrong book, that was from my secret cult manual. Let’s try again.

Although I can’t wait to get to the core essence of the book, it would be beneficial for both of us to make some sort of an acceptance ritual and agreement-signing process. Now, there are many ways to do it, and in the end, the only person who can be held accountable to the agreement is you. With that in mind, it has helped me in the past to have other people in my life help me with my own accountability.

Therefore, I will propose a contract for you to sign. This contract can be printed out from dsarle.com/contract or digitally downloaded. We can then sign the contract digitally, or you can sign two copies, send them to me, and I will return a signed copy back to you.

If you prefer, you can be the solo signer of the contract, or have one of your friends co-sign it with you, and hold you accountable to it. If you prefer, you can also create your own ritual - make a different contract, sign it, burn it, spread it with the wind, bury it in your favorite park, write it down in your journal by hand, print it, and put it in front of your computer. Do whatever it takes, but for now, here is the contract I propose:

The Most Useless Book Reader’s Contract

THIS AGREEMENT is made on this ____ day of __________, 20__, between YOU, the Reader (hereinafter referred to as “The Wisdom Seeker”), and THE UNIVERSE (hereinafter referred to as “The Cosmic Jester”) in witness of THE AUTHOR (Dima Sarle).

WHEREAS The Wisdom Seeker wishes to embark on a journey of self-discovery and potentially life-altering wisdom through the reading of “The Most Useless Book”;

NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual covenants and promises set forth herein, the parties agree as follows:

1. NO GURU CLAUSE: The Wisdom Seeker solemnly swears to treat THE AUTHOR as a mere “origin of words” and not as a guru, teacher, or superior being. Any accidental hero-worship will result in immediate tickling by The Cosmic Jester. The Wisdom Seeker shall rely purely on his or her ability to find said wisdom.

2. JOURNALING COMMITMENT: The Wisdom Seeker hereby commits to journaling alongside the reading process, employing the sacred triad of Presence, Attention, and Suspension. Failure to journal will result in spontaneous outbursts of regression to previous states of consciousness.

3. ACTION IMPERATIVE: The Wisdom Seeker vows to take at least one (1) meaningful action after each chapter. Inaction will lead to The Cosmic Jester arranging minor inconveniences, such as perpetually mismatched socks or the eternal feeling that something is stuck between your teeth, as is common. Inconveniences will be specially created to maximize your level of annoyance and to motivate you to take action, nevertheless.

4. WISDOM GENERATION: The Wisdom Seeker agrees to generate personal insights and wisdom, distinguishing between #insight and #wisdom.

5. PENALTIES: The Wisdom Seeker shall choose additional penalties for contract breach (select at least one):

- [ ] Recite the entire book backward while standing on one foot

- [ ] Attend a tea ceremony wearing a tutu

- [ ] Perform an interpretive dance of your favorite chapter in a public square

- [ ] Financial penalty of [ ] EUR to be transferred to [ ] (We recommend a charity or a friend)

- [ ] Other: ________________________________

6. COSMIC DISCLAIMER: The Cosmic Jester reserves the right to throw curveballs, plot twists, and the occasional epiphany into The Wisdom Seeker’s life at its discretion.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have executed this Agreement as of the date first above written.

Signed by The Wisdom Seeker: _________________________

Witnessed by The Cosmic Jester: (A sudden gust of wind)

Signed by The Author: ____________________________

[ To receive the signature of the author, please send a mail of two copies of the contract to: PO BOX ]

Note: This contract is binding in all known and unknown dimensions. Side effects may include increased self-awareness, spontaneous bouts of laughter, and the irresistible urge to clean your kitchen.

[ Disclaimer: Unlike the rest of this book, the contract creation was assisted ever so slightly by Claude AI. ]

Now, where do we go from here? We can’t keep writing the introduction, agreements, and other “contentless text” forever, can we? Those are the worst books, where the author keeps trying to get to the point for 5 chapters, only to outpour their ‘genius’ idea in a single paragraph, and proceeds to explain why the idea is genius for the remaining 10 chapters. If this book reads like that, please get in touch with me and tell me to never write another book again. Alternatively, you can just go ahead and skip to “The Answer”.

Thank you for sticking with me so far. Every microsecond you have spent reading this book is valued by me, and as a token of my appreciation, here is a poem:

This first part (and frankly the whole book too), will be devoted to Valerie, my wife, who never reads introduction sections of any book. So, she might not ever get to this sentence. Enjoy, V. This one is for you, my never-ending muse, my biggest guide, my northern star.